Blog, it’s time to.
I’m going to rename my blogs from now on. Yeah, no more “update.” I always thought that was a stupid name, I just didn’t know what else to call it. You know what? I don’t think there’s anything more fabulous than looking like a lady and smelling like a gentleman. Yesterday I got the last of my new summer clothes (and my new Coach bag!) including my very first romper. It’s black with tiny white polka dots, cinched at the waist with a drawstring. I think those romper things are wonderful. Best parts of a dress but with shorts instead. Totally fabulous. I wore my platform wedges, the romper, my long locket and gold watch that reminds me of my dad, put my hair in pigtails and my bangs in my eyes with cherry red lipstick on. I got some sun, too! I want sun-kissed skin all over. I like my new look. It really agrees with me. What was the wonderful gentleman scent on me? Gucci? or Prada? or Versace? Well, I’ll never tell. ;)
I looked into my journal today to see how long it’s been since I last wrote in it. Almost a month! I’m so bad at this. I’ve never been good at keeping up with it. Never. I always tell myself to write in it everyday. You never know. I think of a story my second Mom told me of a friend of hers who lost her memory. This friend wrote in her journal every day and when she couldn’t remember the people in her life she turned to those journals. She wrote about my second Mom so much, always amazing things. Eventually, after reading everything she had written, she came to my second Mom and gave her a huge hug and told her how happy she was to have her in her life. I want to have that with people in my life. I want that effect on people. I can. I do. Friends tell me. But I’ve learned in the past couple of years that there are a lot of poisonous people in the world. The people who say they want you to be happy, but will do everything they can (if you let them) to make sure you can’t be. If you let them manipulate you, they can change you for the worst; sometimes for so long you begin to think that’s who you really are. I should know.
My last journal entry was about unblocking a couple of people off my Facebook account and how I hope it wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass. Well, with one person it did. Aaron. I knew it would happen and I knew better, but my optimism and hope for others to treat me fairly bites me in the ass sometimes. Whenever it was that Aaron got back in touch with me saying that he wanted to be friends, but that it would have to be my choice I tasted the bitterness again. He couldn’t make a decision to save his life so he left it all up to me. Who wants that? I clearly said I didn’t want him in my life before being forced to block him because he wouldn’t stop these stupid games. You know people like this, the ones where no matter what you say, they refuse to really listen to you, you know what I mean? So many people are poison in this world and I’ve run into so many. Why in the world would they think I’d want that back in my life after I’ve gone to such extreme measures to make them stop these games after things were over? I guess they have no true peace or happiness in their lives. They pull you down and tear you up to satisfy something awful they feel about themselves deep inside. When something like this happens, I ask myself “is it really over now? or is it just a matter of time before they surface and we do this all over again?” I hope this is the end. For good. Who cares? I can’t say I do. Anymore.
4:19:00 @ 6/5/2012